Reframing divorce by Stacey Lewis

As any worthwhile marketer will tell you, sales is all about positioning and packaging. NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) experts will emphasise the importance of the language that we choose.

So, how about some humour to allow you to reframe the negativity of being a divorcee. Life is full of possibilities. Instead of being an ex-wife, how about being :

  • A previously disadvantaged woman
  • A recently emancipated female
  • Liberated post amputation (Ouch!)
  • Chilling post detox

Or perhaps the EX part of ex-wife is actually an abbreviation for:

  • Extra-ordinary
  • Expert
  • Exciting
  • Excellent

Or even Exasperating!

The reality is: What is, is. The greatest power that you have in your divorce is to choose how to see yourself. Sure – there are days when the grief is overwhelming and days when the anger and resentment are immobilising – these are the realities of divorce.

BUT…. how about a little “fake it till you make it” – put on some lipstick and reframe – transmorph from divorcee to new explorer.

Even if you are a “victim” of a divorce you did not choose, you are now free to choose how you enter the next chapter.

I can almost hear the whispers of “It’s easy for her to say”and yes, it’s easier to see clearly from the other side, but, I know your journey and I have taken every agonising step myself. It’s tough and it’s not for sissies but you CAN choose to have a happy life.

I recall a specific day, a few months after my husband left. I had wasted away to 38 kilograms and I was lying on my bed sobbing, praying for G-d to end my suffering. A good friend of mine sat next to me, shoved a plate of food in front of me and told me sternly that I could either cry, starve and eventually die or I could choose: today was the last day that I would allow my divorce to take my life force away from me. Today was the day where I could CHOOSE to make a happy life for myself.

In my friend’s wisdom, she told me that my ultimate happiness was in my hands. All I had to do was make a conscious choice – EACH DAY – to take a positive step towards creating a happy life. As all humans do, I faltered, but on the whole, I carried her words with me as I consciously chose happiness. 

It’s for this reason I founded The Divorce Source, because I believe we all can choose happiness but sometimes we need support in order to do so. 


  1. Liat

    Well done for having the courage to shout about it! I am sure there are many who this will inspire. You did great!

  2. Danya Pearce

    Totally…. i went through this…. not easy road to travel but once you reach your new life (and you always do) the rewards make the pain understandable….. am supporting a lady now through a similar thing… thanks for this forum

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