We often seek the validation and love of others before we are able to give it to ourselves. If you‘re looking for love why not give yourself love first?
I‘ve experienced a lot in my relatively short time on the planet; my divorce probably being the most traumatic event of my life to date. That said the experience has also been my greatest blessing and a catalyst to the greatest change in my life.
Almost 2 years down the line I find myself, as many of my girlfriends, on the dating scene. For me being single has been a period of growth and personal development and possibly a most valuable investment of time and energy. Many people I meet, however, find being single so terrifying that they avoid it all costs. This typically results in people being in the wrong relationships but too scared to leave.
Before we continue let me say I do not believe that anyone is inherently right or wrong. Each and every relationship is unique due to the fact that no one relationship in the world will have the same type of connection as another. It‘s a case of “the mix” and whether the mix is right for both parties. Hence the fact it‘s about the relationship being right or wrong and not about the parties to the relationship, being right or wrong as people.
I know a lady who is gorgeous, intelligent, has a great career and an amazing body. There‘s just one problem, she‘s so intent on finding a partner that she‘s forgotten to live. As result she, of her own admittance, “wastes time” with partners who mess her around. Is this wrong? Well ultimately on a soul level this is an experience she obviously needs to have and is a result of her conditioning but on a physical level it could well be avoided. Ironically it‘s her fear of being alone that is causing her to make choices which ultimately render her lonely within her relationships.
I know another lady who admits to not being happy in her relationship but is too fearful of being alone that she can‘t bear to leave. She too has many of the wondrous attributes of a goddess and yet is lacking the most important one; self esteem.
Both of these women are desperately seeking happiness and yet the very thing they seek to find, they actively avoid. (Take a moment to ponder that one). For some reason (in our Western society) we‘ve become accustomed to the notion of another “completing us”. Why? Romantic relationships are there to uplift us and are a means of connecting on a unique level to another person but we cannot be made whole by another. It‘s a strange case of two “wholes” make a union, not two halves make a whole.
The universe works in peculiar ways; you have to first see that in yourself which you seek in others. In the case of developing romantic relationships, it‘s vital to develop a love and appreciation (and even just an understanding) of oneself before launching into a union with another.
So how do you develop a love and appreciation of yourself? It‘s quite simply about getting to know you. How about committing to an evening with yourself? I know it sounds crazy but trust me on this one. Make your favourite supper or just sit on your balcony and watch the sun set or even run yourself a warm bubble bath.
Reflect on the person that you are. What activities do you love doing? Where are your favourite places to go? What have you been dreaming about doing but haven‘t done because you feel guilty or don‘t have the time? What do you like about yourself? What would you like to work on in yourself? (Note; not have to but like to) At the end of your ‘date‘, march on over to a mirror and find the best physical feature of yourself. I promise I haven‘t lost the plot. Do NOT leave that mirror until you find some feature you love about yourself.
And then, I hear you ask? Well go out and live and do what you love! Spend time with friends, try something new, volunteer for a good cause, and some spend time alone!
People are attracted to people who are (genuinely) love themselves, others and life.
Don‘t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. ~Harold Whitman
So make a date with yourself without delay and don‘t forget to…
Lisa is the author of “Looking for Love in all the wrong places” For more information go to http://www.lisasteingold.com