De-stress your divorce by Jacque Allschwang (Transformational coach)

Getting divorced is without a doubt one of the most stressful experiences you may ever go through in your life. It presents a series of life challenges that are guaranteed to disrupt your physical, mental and emotional balance. It is a time of change and loss.  It represents the death of life as you have known it, a period of significant transition and an opportunity for you to rediscover who you really are and what is most important to you. There are several different factors operating together that may contribute to the high stress levels you experience when getting divorced.

Firstly, you are losing a person that’s been an integral part of your life for many years, perhaps someone you once loved and cared for deeply, trusted and believed was your soul mate and best friend, which in itself can be devastating. At the same time you are losing what you’ve always known, your dreams of a specific future, possibly an extended support structure including beloved family and friends, and perhaps even the relationship with your children in changing shape or form.  In addition to your home and security potentially being threatened, many of your deeply held beliefs and values may be called into question – beliefs about yourself, your soon to be ex-spouse, marriage, relationships and perhaps even the very essence of life. Change and loss are stressful because they evoke feelings of fear, anxiety and uncertainty about the future.

Secondly, as we know unfortunately not all divorces are amicable and friendly, although that is a possibility. In most cases there would more than likely be high levels of tension and unpleasantness caused by a cocktail of dynamics including inter – personal conflict, being bullied or abused by a spouse not to mention your own inner thoughts and feelings about what you are going through i.e., betrayal, loneliness, anger, sadness, shame or grief etc.  Your brain will more than likely be in overdrive and your nervous system probably feels like it is constantly being attacked and in a permanent state of fight or flight. You may feel out of control, powerless and vulnerable, as if you are literally fighting for your survival. If you are not experiencing any of this, you can consider yourself a master of your emotions or you might be in a state of shock.

Thirdly, on top of all of that, there is a good chance that your children will also be feeling the effects of the disruption to their system and may act out in various ways or alternatively withdraw inside themselves, so you do not really know what is going on with them.  This presents yet another set of challenging circumstances that you now need to deal with, possibly with limited information and exposure how to deal effectively with their reactions and responses, because this is completely new to you.  You might be worried and questioning your own ability to cope and wondering how to face, navigate and get through this very difficult time in your life, not only for yourself but for your children as well.

Add to this the possibilities of a contentious legal battle, sleeping difficulties, challenges focusing and concentrating at work and possible money problems and it would not be surprising nor abnormal in you found yourself feeling emotionally drained, frazzled, overwhelmed and exhausted. And while there is very little you can do to change the external circumstances you are currently facing right now, it is possible to manage the consequent stress in a constructive and empowered way.

One of the best things you can do for yourself and your health during challenging times is to nurture your relationships with other women.  Women connect with each other and provide support systems that help each other deal with stress and difficult life experiences.  Physical time and sharing with other women, releases more serotonin, a neuro-transmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well-being. You could also work on changing your relationship with stress to a more positive and balanced one by reviewing and updating your current beliefs, emotional responses and habitual thought and behaviour patterns and equipping yourself with strategies and tools to cope with some of the challenges and stressors you are currently experiencing.

In celebration of National Women’s Day and to offer you support during a really stressful time in your life, I-nspire Transformations would like to invite you to take some time out to reconnect with the REAL you and other like-minded and whole hearted women at our
Inspirational Women’s Day Workshop.

JOIN US IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO:

  • Take time to reconnect to yourself and nature
  • Identify mental, emotional or physical imbalances
  • Make stress your friend
  • Discover the power of vulnerability
  • Gain tools to clear stress
  • Remember who you really are
  • Feel inspired


Dates: Saturday 12th August 2017

Venue: River Place Lodge

For more information you can contact:-

Jacque or Nicky
jacque@i-nspire.co.za or nicky@i-nspire.co.za

We look forward to connecting with you soon.

Embrace what inspires you!

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